Principles v. Making a Point

Themes: Quality of life, values
Helpful for: Most issues

The idea of principles (vs. making a point) is something that crosses my mind often. But, in a year such as this, where we have all endured political campaigns since the summer, this concept becomes even more stark and apparent. While political candidates may make this discussion easier, the reality is that we face what our principles are on a daily basis. In fact, these principles are such a part of us that they impact how we engage with the world and ourselves. They inform our values and how we live our lives. So understanding the difference between a principle and a point is actually quite important in the world of mental health.

Principles v. Making a Point

So, what exactly is the difference between principles that we carry and live by, and simply making a point? To me, the answer lies in how we’re sharing that value with the world. Principles are our internal guideposts. We honestly don’t really talk about them much outloud, but they guide how we move through life. They’re what we believe and require no cost or outward energy. Instead, they’re what we do when no one is watching us. Principles are valuable. Making a point is about being loud. Once a principle is shouted from the rooftops, it’s no longer that quiet guiding voice. Instead, it’s about being seen. It becomes a show, a demonstration of what makes us “good” or “ethical”. And frankly, when someone is shouting about their principles, it’s likely they aren’t actually living by them at all. They go from being something we do to something we are - and something that we want to be seen. Instead, those big Facebook posts of all the expensive things you can do is about saying “look at what I am, who I am, and who I’m competing with”, instead of the quiet inner work that says “I’m enough without shouting it.” I think much of the difference between principles and making a point is about the way people see it. When we focus on our principles internally, it doesn’t matter who knows or who doesn’t. Instead, what matters is that we’re living by the guidelines that we’ve set for ourselves. When we want to make a point, everyone has to know, see, and validate our decisions. But those things that we’re showing off - they’re not valuable, they’re cheap. They aren’t what makes up a person. It’s rather like window shopping. People have to guess what’s inside if you’re putting all of that cheap stuff on the outside. The good stuff is always inside, tucked away, in the back - like our principles. The very best parts of ourselves are inside, tucked away, and protected - not what we shout about for the world to see. Principles and values guide our work in a counseling space. How we navigate the world depends on how we see and what we find important in the world. If you don’t know what your values or principles are, then you will find yourself constantly in misalignment as you shout to the world around you - trying to figure it out, be seen and heard. As we settle into the winter months, I encourage you to use this time to slow down and listen to what’s inside - not what’s being shouted around you. Perhaps, you may find a way to connect with those inner principles after all.